Self-Protective Love…?

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“That f****r made me love him. I don’t love people.”

This was a comment made in a conversation I heard today as a group of girls was walking on the path below my window. I laughed at how dramatic the statement was and how trivial the relationship likely is (because, if I’m being honest, most Jessup relationships are more like junior high/high school relationships than runways leading toward marriage). Then I started to think: This is what’s wrong with people nowadays. (I know. There’s 70-year old, Grandma Tyler coming out.) We are self-protective people, so we don’t know or we hate Love and because of this we don’t know or hate God who is Love. What would happen if we would let down our walls and say that pain is part of the price we pay in learning how to grow in and cultivate love?

It was never God’s intention or plan for love between humans to be the messy, painful thing it is now, but as we humans tend to do, we messed up. We see in Genesis God’s perfect plan for love and relationships. Genesis 2:25 (TLV) says, “Now both of them were naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed.” In God’s perfect relationship both parties are bare and naked before each other. I know this is speaking physically, but I also believe we must live emotionally naked, or transparent, lives in order to create relationships as God intended. Transparent by definition means, “(of a material or article) allowing light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen.” When I read this definition I thought of tissue paper used for presents. There are types of tissue paper that are made with speckles and when the light hits those pieces of paper it passes through the clear but remains black in the speckled spots. I believe we are to live in such a way that those we are loved by and those we love can see the light of God passing through us, but also can see His light making known the dark spots in our hearts. What I mean by that is, what if we lived such transparent lives that people saw our inner wounds?… Did your whole body just tense up? Or was that just me?

As I mentioned in my last post, I have problems with fear of abandonment and fear of rejection, so letting people see my inner wounds is a terrifying and dangerous thing. However, that is the paradox of love. The more I open up, the more wounds I expose, the more room I give for people to make excuses as to why they want to run. On the flip side, the more wounds I expose, the more I let people in to see the real me and choose to love me despite my shortcomings.  And so my fear of rejection and my self-protective nature tells me to keep my wounds hidden, but my desire to be known and loved tells me to bare all.

In a previous conversation with God, I was fully exposed in my weakness of rejecting people before they have a chance to reject me. Here’s how the conversation went:

God: You have rejected my people and, in turn, rejected me. If you want to go deeper, you have to let people in...Why do you think you are so hesitant to let people in?
Me: I don’t like feeling vulnerable, because then I feel weak.
God: Why do you feel weak?
Me: I feel weak because I’m sharing my fears or areas of pain and if people wanted they could use those things against me.
God: They’ll do that anyways.
Me: Not as much if I protect myself.
God: It’s not your job to protect yourself. It’s MY job to protect you.

I had been so used to thinking I was the one protecting myself that I had dismissed the fact that it was actually God who had protected me. It was God who had protected me from abuse and from self-harm and from terrible relationships that would have sent me on paths in life that I may not have recovered from (not because God isn’t all-powerful, but because I think I would have killed myself before I gave him a chance to draw me back to him).

That being said, I feel the need to clarify my statement about pain being inevitable. By saying “pain is part of the price we pay in learning how to grow in and cultivate love” I am not saying to walk openly into abusive or unwise relationships. I am saying because we are humans there will inevitably be painful moments. Keeping that in mind, what would happen if we decided to take a chance on others and let them love us or in turn chose to love them? Or even love those who don’t love us? What if we chose to love like Christ, the perfect example of love like Eden?

Could you let Love sweep you off your feet? Or are you too afraid you might fall and get hurt?

Keep in mind, this isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships. Some of us are so consumed by self-protective love that we keep our “best friends” at arm’s length and keep everyone else outside a bubble. Who are the people you need to let into your life? How can you let them into your life?

Friend, you are destined for SO much more than where you are right now. BUT you will only get there by letting others lift you up, carry you/your burdens and doing the same for them. 

Who are the chosen few you need to reevaluate before you throw them away?
LET THEM IN.

LOVE.

“Love is time given to someone or something, thus marking it important. Love is tenderly speaking truth. Love is kindly correcting corruption. Love is passionately pursuing your dreams while also passionately cheering on those around you to pursue their dreams and dream with you. Love is a hand held as a loved one cries. Love is a hug goodbye, an acknowledgment of the absence that will be felt as you are apart. Love is everywhere. It’s in all things, because I am in all things. Love lives because I live.”
-God to me in a coffee shop

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Love, the elusive feeling we all long for from birth to death, whether conscious or subconscious. As I began to write this piece, I felt myself desiring to define love. Not for the purpose of putting it in a box with a pretty little bow only to let it sit on the shelf. Rather, I wanted to discover and define love for the purpose of better getting to know God. This discovery of the truth of God as the person of love led me to ask myself “If I were to encounter myself in an everyday situation, would I feel the God of love? Even if I did not know I was feeling the presence and love of God, would I be able to notice a difference in my demeanor?” As a Christian, it is my job and greatest privilege to represent God as love to outsiders and, in doing so, invite them into the ultimate place of belonging: the Father’s arms.

I began my research, out of curiosity, by looking at what the world had to say about love, which meant beginning with Webster’s dictionary. Merriam-Webster gives nine definitions for the word “love:”

1. a1 – strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (i.e. maternal love)
   a2 – attractions based on sexual desire; affection/tenderness felt by lovers
   a3 – affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests
   b – an assurance of affection
2. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3. a – the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration
   b1 – a beloved person
   b2 – British used as an informal term of address
4. a – unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another (i.e. fatherly concern of God for humankind, brotherly concern for others)
   b – a person’s adoration of God
5. a god or personification of love
6. an amorous episode : love affair
7. the sexual embrace : copulation
8. a score of zero (as in tennis)
9. capitalized, Christian Science : GOD

Next, I took my research to the streets. As I sat in a little coffee shop in Kings Beach, California, I felt God urging me to ask someone in the shop what “love” meant to them. I was unsure of who I was supposed to speak to, so I took my time and waited for the moment I felt God tell me to speak. After sitting and sipping my coffee awhile I saw an exchange of love between a man and woman; a sweet, simple kiss. The man walked away, but the woman stayed put, gaze fixed on the laptop before her. In that moment I knew exactly who I was to speak to. I arose, said a little prayer, then made my way over. I have yet to discover a graceful way to begin a deep conversation with a stranger, so I dove right in. I said was writing a paper on love and had seen her kiss her partner. She introduced herself as Tanya and said the man I saw was her husband. When I asked if it would be alright for her to give me her definition of love for my paper, she asked if I was ready and said I may want to sit down, so I did.

What Tanya told me next would impact me more than she may ever know. She began by telling me her and her husband had fought that morning, and do so regularly. Tanya went on to tell me how Nick, her husband, is a recovering alcoholic and she is an enabler. She explained to me how her and Nick’s love has transformed after 10 years of marriage. In the beginning their love was selfish, “me” based, but now it is more honest and messy. The hard work they’ve put in has proven well worth it, despite how different love was from what Tanya thought it would be. She told me the romance movies she watched growing up about the guy getting the girl, riding off into the sunset, and living happily ever after in a place where everything is all roses impeded her ability to have real love, because real love is nothing like that. Thankfully, she went on to say real love is better than the movies. The next words of wisdom to come out of Tanya’s mouth hit me like a ton of bricks. She said “Always approach love with no fear, but from a place of feeling whole and from a place where you can give of yourself. To do this, your self worth has to be in tact enough not to compromise self for the other person.”

First John 4:7-8 (ESV) says, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” This passage spurred me to ask myself questions such as, “If God is love, what is love?” and “If God is love, who is God?” Furthermore, how am I to love if I do not know what love is? I could take any number of definitions of the world’s view of love and live solely by that, because they are not bad definitions. In fact, these definitions of love act as small holes in a tapestry through which I was better able to see the light of God’s love. This little bit of understanding made me want more, so I began with the typical passage on love: 1 Corinthians 13.

First Corinthians 13:4 (ESV) tells us, “Love is patient and kind,” thus telling us by definition of 1 John 4 that God is a patient and kind God. The passage then goes on to tell us in verses 4-8 how love behaves. “Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

Humans often complicate the simplest of things. If Jesus said in John 13:35 (NLT), “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples,” why do we frequently choose to “prove” God through hate? Hate is the absence of love and, thus, the absence of God. In hate, we have claimed “God hates gays.” In hate, we have killed. In hate, we have thrown labels and spewed fire. In hate, we have sat idly by in our fancy churches and gone back to our cozy homes unchanged and unaffected by the dead wandering aimlessly throughout the earth. Maybe that’s not you personally, but if the body of Christ does not begin looking at themselves as a whole rather than individuals who live as they please than we have already lost the battle. “A kingdom divided by civil war will collapse (Mark 3:24 NLT).” I’ve seen too many people deterred from God by the hate of those who claim to follow Christ. As disciples of God we are called to live love “not…in word or talk, but in deed and in truth (1 John 3:18 ESV),” because “whoever does not love abides in death (1 John 3:14, ESV).” Knowing this we should desire to look more like God and abide in his love.

If we break down 1 Corinthians 13 and replace each “love” with “GOD” it reads much differently. “[GOD] does not envy or boast,” he is modestly confident and secure. “[GOD] is not arrogant or rude,” he is humble and polite. “[GOD] does not insist on [his] own way,” but will let us use free will to make decisions. “[GOD] is not irritable or resentful,” but is cheerful and helpful. “[GOD] does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth,” because he is truth. This is the way we should live; not with picket signs painted with hate and unrighteous anger burning in our hearts. “[For] God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17 NLT).” Love is the driving force behind all we do. We can either live out of love for ourselves or we can live out of love for God. Only when we live out of love for God and others will we find the beauty of seeing people run home, as prodigals, to their Father to take their rightful place as a son or daughter.

The Hope Generator*

“You focus on what you can do and let God take care of what you can’t do.”

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Founder of Hope Generation, pastor at Applegate Christian Fellowship, and dedicated follower of God.

Some of you may know to whom I am referring, but for those of you who don’t know let me share a little bit about the man himself: Ben Courson. Ben is the 29 year old founder of, and speaker for, Hope Generation, a collective working to show you that “no matter who you are or where you’ve come from…the God of Hope loves YOU and has a beautiful purpose for your life.”* His love for God is inspirational. His love for others is contagious. His passion for bringing people hope and his joy for life truly show the depth of which he wholeheartedly pursues God. 

I first met Ben after he taught a message for Applegate’s Journey of Hope Monday night service (which can be seen on his website: Hope Generation Teachings). His message spoke directly to where I was spiritually and emotionally at the time: walking through the valley of the shadow of death and enduring a Matthew 8 level of a spiritual storm. When I spoke with Ben, there was a strong sense of peace and joy that emanated from him. Every person that stopped to talk to him walked away with a visibly bigger smile on their face. About a month after our meeting, Ben poured out his heart as he shared with the Applegate congregation that he too had been walking through his own valley and enduring his own storm (that message is available here: Hope Generation Teachings – Hope Through Heartbreak). 

I had the honor of interviewing Ben with my mom, Kristina. His words brought us direction, encouragement, and new passion for life. I hope they do the same for you.

Tyler: Ben, how long have you been working in ministry?
Ben: I taught my first Bible study in 3rd grade on the Applegate main stage. I opened up Ezekiel 37, the chapter on dry bones. I read the story and sat down. All the other elementary school kids were like “What does that even mean?” But I feel like it’s the best Bible study I ever gave, because I just gave the Scriptures and didn’t muddy it up with my comments. When I was 16, I taught a whole Bible study with my friends in Southern California, which was when I knew I wanted to go into ministry. I became a pastor at 18 and now here we are.

 

Tyler: Is Hope Generation your full-time job?
Ben: Actually, I’m employed by Applegate. When people pay me for speaking or buy anything from Hope Generation, like my books and CDs, it all goes back into funding Hope Gen.
(Hope Generation Store)

 

Tyler: Have you ever felt an overwhelming weight from your calling? If so, how did you work through that feeling?
Ben: Oh yeah! But when you have a dream you’re willing to do anything. When you find your dream you want to put in the hours. Your shallow desire says, “Let this cup pass from my lips (Matt. 26:39, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42).” Your deeper desire says, “Your will be done, God (Matt. 26:39, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42). You put this on my heart. I know what I need to do: Pour water on the fire of my fears and throw gasoline on the on the passions of my dreams.”

 

Kristina: Do you think you can have a combination of gifts or dreams that don’t seem to go hand in hand?
Ben: Yes! There’s a guy I know who is a great teacher, worship leader, basketball player, was a 2 sport athlete in college, and is great with kids. His one thing is being great at a lot of things. Some people are just great at many things. Does that help?
Tyler: It does help, because I have a passion for so many different things that I often don’t know how God is going to work all those things into my life.
Ben: I don’t really share this with a lot of people, but movies changed my life. I used to ask God why I couldn’t be an actor, but God showed me when I was 17 that I would do my love of film and T.V. with my craft. Then, when I was on T.V. at 29, I realized God combined [those two dreams of mine.] It’s cool how the Lord has a way of taking several dreams and blending them. I bet you’re gonna find how God combines your dreams to be complementary, not contradictory.

 

Tyler: What advice would you give someone pursuing their dreams?
Ben: Ask a question and you’ll appear a fool for five minutes and be wise for life. Don’t ask a question and you’ll appear wise for five minutes and be a fool for life. When Jesus was 12 at the temple, those around him were not just amazed at his answers. They were amazed at his questions. Jesus asked questions. What I would say to my 19 year old self is: Faith can move mountains, but don’t be surprised if God hands you a shovel. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. Reach for the stars, but keep your feet on the ground. Pray for the super, but do the natural and you’ll get supernatural. Don’t wait for opportunity to turn up; start turning up your sleeves. Put in the work. There are three things in life (work, love, prayer) that if you do, you won’t be off track. C.H. Spurgeon said, “Focus on your ability. God will take care of your opportunity.” Our generation wants to arrive without taking the trip. You focus on what you can do and let God take care of what you can’t do.

Ben gave me a lot of great information to work with, which is why I broke this interview up into two posts. To read the full interview check out my blog post: Interview with Ben Courson

*http://www.bencourson.com/aboutben/

Interview with Ben Courson

“Sometimes you have to learn the hard way to find out what you love.”
-Ben Courson

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Hey there!
I’m so glad you’ve come to read this post! In case you didn’t read my last post, “Collide: A Journey to Authentic Faith,” my name is Tyler Shreve-Smith and I am currently on a journey. I am interviewing people to see what comprises their view of Christianity and, if they are Christians, to see how they walk out their faith. This is all to help me gain a better understanding of where I am with my beliefs of who God is and what Christianity is. I want to share this journey with all of you, because I’ve discovered I’m not the only one asking these questions regarding God and faith.

This post is the full interview my mom, Kristina Shreve, and I did together with Ben Courson, founder of Hope Generation. Hope Gen. is a collective, working to create media that shows you that “no matter who you are or where you’ve come from…the God of Hope loves YOU and has a beautiful purpose for your life.“* Ben is a 29 year old pastor based out of Applegate Church here in Southern Oregon, but he travels around the world speaking to promote the hope of the Gospel. Hope Generation produces uplifting multi-media content (check it out here: television episodes, creatives, Hope Generation store, app, and radio). Whether on the highest of mountain tops or in lowest of valleys, these videos are timely in every season of life. They make you contemplate the brevity of life in such a way that does not discourage you, but rather, brings you hope and excitement for the future.

Ben’s words encouraged and inspired me. I hope they do the same for you!

Tyler: How long have you been working in ministry?
Ben: I taught my first Bible study in 3rd grade on the Applegate main stage. I opened up Ezekiel 37, the chapter on dry bones. I read the story and sat down. All the other elementary school kids were like “What does that even mean?” But I feel like it’s the best Bible study I ever gave, because I just gave the Scriptures and didn’t muddy it up with my comments. When I was 16, I taught a whole Bible study with my friends in Southern California, which was when I knew I wanted to go into ministry. I became a pastor at 18 and now here we are.

 

Tyler: Is Hope Generation your full-time job?
Ben: Actually, I’m employed by Applegate. When people pay me for speaking or buy anything from Hope Generation, like my books and CDs, it all goes back into funding Hope Gen.
(Hope Generation Store)

 

Tyler: Do you have a degree for what you’re doing?
Ben: No, I got a 2.0 GPA in high school. I didn’t go to my senior year of high school and I wouldn’t have if I could’ve gone back. I hated academics, but I fell in love with reading when I turned 18 and became a pastor. I’m a huge advocate of going to college if that’s what you need to do. I don’t want a doctor working on me who doesn’t have a degree. But I am also a HUGE advocate of reading. Read. You don’t need a degree… Follow your curiosity. When a person follows their curiosity, their passion, their dream, they go way further and live Zoe. They have an over and above kind of life.

 

Kristina: Do you structure your time?
Ben: Yes, I set a timer. I make sure that I spend 4 hours a day reading and writing and about 10-11 hours a week teaching. I have to time [my reading and writing] otherwise I won’t do them. I’ll just do them when I feel like doing it and most of the time I don’t feel like it. My deeper desire knows, “A writer hates to write, but a writer loves to have written.” At the end of the day, I hate it if I haven’t written anything. I don’t like the process of writing; very few great writers did. What they did, though, was force themselves to stay in the chair. I’ve found that if you have a self-regiment, you can get a lot done.

 

Tyler: Have you ever felt an overwhelming weight from your call? If so, how did you work through that feeling?
Ben: Oh yeah! But when you have a dream you’re willing to do anything. When you find your dream you want to put in the hours. Your shallow desire says, “Let this cup pass from my lips (Matt. 26:39, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42).” Your deeper desire says, “Your will be done, God (Matt. 26:39, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42). You put this on my heart. I know what I need to do: Pour water on the fire of my fears and throw gasoline on the on the passions of my dreams.”

 

Tyler: What avenue have you found brings you the most success in your ministry?
Ben: I’m terrible at counseling. I don’t counsel, because I don’t bring fruit. I’m not gifted at it. I don’t do weddings or funerals anymore, either. [I stopped when] I realized the Bible doesn’t call us to be human octopi. I try to do 18 things, but I can’t do it all unless I turn into an octopus. Saying yes to one thing gives you the power to say no to other things. But until you learn how to say yes to what you believe in, you’ll never be able to say no to everything else. When I know that writing and speaking is where I have fruit, that’s what I’m gonna do. That means I don’t counsel, but I will preach 11x a week. I won’t do weddings, but I will keep writing articles. That’s just what I was born to do. It’s what I’m passionate about and what I love. This life is so short and it’s gonna be hard, you might as well do something you love.

 

Kristina: Do you feel like you could’ve done without the weddings and funerals or did they help you learn what you really wanted to do?
Ben: I’m a big believer in trial by error. Part of it is I had to try those things and see if it worked for me. Part of it was I felt guilt tripped into certain things by my own expectations or other people saying, “This is what you are supposed to do.” Sometimes you have to learn the hard way to find out what you love.

 

Kristina: Do you think you can have a combination of gifts or dreams that don’t seem to go hand in hand?
Ben: Yes! There’s a guy I know who is a great teacher, worship leader, basketball player, was a 2 sport athlete in college, and is great with kids. His one thing is being great at a lot of things. Some people are just great at many things. Does that help?
Tyler: It does help, because I have a passion for so many different things that I often don’t know how God is going to work all those things into my life.
Ben: I don’t really share this with a lot of people, but movies changed my life. I used to ask God why I couldn’t be an actor, but God showed me when I was 17 that I would do my love of film and T.V. with my craft. Then, when I was on T.V. at 29, I realized God combined [those two dreams of mine.] It’s cool how the Lord has a way of taking several dreams and blending them. I bet you’re gonna find how God combines your dreams to be complementary, not contradictory.

 

Tyler: Where do you see many ministry workers go wrong?
Ben: I’m very optimistic and unity oriented. There’s about 41,000 denominations among about 2.18 billion Christians and Jesus prayed in John 17 “Father, make them all one (v.21).” I’m careful not to point out the things I don’t agree with in other people, because I know there are things I do they won’t agree with. I don’t want to major in the minors. I want to focus on areas where we can get on the same page. So I guess, in a roundabout way, I don’t like division. I think where I’ve gone wrong and where people can go wrong is when we start dividing against each other, because ‘a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand (Matt. 12:25, Mark 3:24-25).’ I don’t like when we’re known more for what we’re against than what we are for. That becomes problematic. When we’re known more for what we think about issues than how we love people. That’s where we’ve missed [the point]. I think that unity and love are key. Jesus said, “You’ll be known as my disciples by how much you love each other.” Not, “You’ll be known as my disciples by your theology.” I think division is where we go wrong.

 

Tyler: How do you handle situations where division does come in?
Ben: This is the deal. We have two choices when people do things where they’re creating division: 1) React or 2) Respond. Say someone is stubborn to hate me. I’ll be stubborn right back to love them. They say, “You can’t make me stop disagreeing with you.” I respond, “You can’t make me stop loving you.” That’s why the Bible says, “…overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).” That’s the only way to solve these problems. When Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr came on the scene and loved their enemies, they changed the world. Romans 12:18, “As much as it’s up to you make peace with all men.” It doesn’t say everyone is going to take it. If there’s division I say, “Well, that’s your choice. I can’t control it, but what I can control is my response and whether I react or respond.” Make peace like a sandwich. [You can and should] make it and offer it, but it’s up to others whether they take it or not. But it’s still there.

 

Tyler: On a similar note, how do you deliver difficult truth with love, grace, and tact?
Ben: That’s easy for me because I talk about hope. Paul said in Romans 15:4 he wrote the Bible so we might have hope. If you walk away from the Bible with less hope, it’s a giant exercise in missing the point. Paul said, “Faith, hope, and love (1 Cor. 13:13).” That’s it. When I speak, my calling is not to be judgemental or be degrading. I went through a season of that. Like hardcore “Jesus is not your homeboy” kind of thing and I had to go through that, too. That was part of the journey. But since I was 16, I’ve always had hope in my messages. It’s my calling to talk about hope. I have so much content bursting out of my head. In 100 lifetimes I could not talk about all the things I want to with hope. Talking about hope is itself a loving topic.

 

Tyler: What advice would you give someone pursuing their dreams?
Ben: Ask a question and you’ll appear a fool for five minutes and be wise for life. Don’t ask a question and you’ll appear wise for five minutes and be a fool for life. When Jesus was 12 at the temple, those around him were not just amazed at his answers. They were amazed at his questions. Jesus asked questions. What I would say to my 19 year old self is: Faith can move mountains, but don’t be surprised if God hands you a shovel. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. Reach for the stars, but keep your feet on the ground. Pray for the super, but do the natural and you’ll get supernatural. Don’t wait for opportunity to turn up; start turning up your sleeves. Put in the work. There are three things in life (work, love, prayer) that if you do, you won’t be off track. C.H. Spurgeon said, “Focus on your ability. God will take care of you opportunity.” Our generation wants to arrive without taking the trip. You focus on what you can do and let God take care of what you can’t do.

 

Tyler: Do you have any books you recommend?
Ben: Oh yeah! Tell me the subject though…
Tyler: I guess, as far as ministry..
Ben: Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton is gold. He was a Catholic who inspired Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Any book by C.S. Lewis. I’ve read pretty much all his books. Except Space Trilogy, because I didn’t understand what it was saying. A book by C.S. Lewis I really like is called George MacDonald who was one of the most profound influencers of my life. George MacDonald was the only person who did what I’m trying to do. I want to be a fantasy writer and a speaker. MacDonald was a fantasy writer and a pastor. He’s the most underrated character in history. He wrote a book called The Princess and the Goblin, which has to do with a magic ring. Does that ring any bells? Tolkien loved MacDonald and now we have Lord of the Rings. C.S. Lewis, in his book about George MacDonald, takes snippets from him and says things like, “When you worry you’re fetching tomorrow with your thoughts and thereby redoubling your vexation.” George MacDonald also said, “Man finds it hard to get, because he does not want the best. God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, but man would not take it.” Totally switching gears, In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day. I just read it. It was really good. Outliers is the book that changed my life more than any other non-fiction book. That has the 10,000 hours rule.

 

Tyler: What are you top five favorite books?
Ben: Out of any genre?
Tyler: Yeah.
Ben: Oh goodness! Okay, I’m just gonna go off the top [of my head], because I can’t do it. I can’t pick five… A Star Wars novel called Traitor. I don’t know how Matthew Stover does it. That book changed my life. I had my heart broken at 19 and didn’t want to get out of bed. Traitor was all about this warrior, a jedi, whose Han and Leah’s son. He’s in a torture chamber and he learns.. There’s this line in the book, are you ready for this? I use it all the time. “Pain either has the power to break you or it is the power that makes you unbreakable. What it is depends on who you are.” That’s what the book is about, embracing pain. That’s why I can do the 10,000 hours. I used to throw up then get in my car and come teach, but that embrace the pain concept for me is why it’s, besides the Bible, number one. Number two, Lord of the Rings. Number three…There’s more Star Wars novels, but I’ll move on from those… I’ll go with The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. Fourth, would be… uh.. It’s gonna hit me later like, “You should have said that!” But fourth would be.. Outliers. That should be way up higher actually. It changed my life. Five would be… in no particular order… Five, besides the Bible, would be the Harry Potter series. People had controversy over the first movie because it had to do with wizards, but if you’re gonna get rid of Harry Potter you gotta get rid of Lord of the Rings and you gotta get rid of Narnia, because they all do that, too. But then, once the seventh book came out, people realized it’s a morality tale. Very binary of light versus darkness. The message is on friendship, bravery, courage, just all the classic unwritten laws of heaven. Because of those books I think J.K. Rowling is the greatest writer alive…and I read for a living. It’s like Narnia; it’s layers. Even the names she’s using have Greek mythological history or Greco-Roman backdrop. It’s crazy. She’ll throw a line into book one and ten years down the line in book seven that is one of the integral parts of the plot. She’s a genius! I’m jealous of her!

As you can see Ben, gave me a lot of great information to work with, which is why I broke this interview up into two posts (link to other post). I will be doing this with almost all of my posts now that I’ve decided I actually won’t be videotaping my interviews. Thanks for understanding! I hope this interview brought some hope, joy, and light to your life!

*http://www.bencourson.com/aboutben/

Collide: A Journey to Authentic Faith

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Hello my dear friends and Family!

The title for this journey, “Collide: A Journey to Authentic Faith,” was inspired by the picture above. I received this picture (in physical painting form) as a gift from a woman by the name of Tricia Snyder, a pastor’s wife who was visiting with her husband to my first home church in Southern Oregon (Jackson Calvary Chapel). On the back of this painting are the following words:

“Get ready and prepare for impact – God is colliding with you – a violent, direct, divine impact. It is good!! A powerful, good thing He is doing! A collision usually happens when two people or vehicles try to occupy the same space. God has chosen to invade our space with Divine Impact.”

These words have always stuck with me and carried such importance in my life. When I took the time to think about the season of my life I am in, I realized God and I had had a divine collision wherein He was wanting to occupy the space in the driver’s seat of my life. I used to let God take over when I saw fit, but I quickly grew tired from always trying to have control of the uncontrollable. God had shown me, as I continued praying about my travels, this journey would be no small thing in my life. Rather, it would be my “journey to authentic faith.” To me, this phrase means discovering the woman God created me to be. It means discovering what genuine faith looks like when you strip away the rules and regulations Christians use to complicate Christianity. In my opinion, Christianity comes down to loving God and loving people, but what does that look like for me?  What does loving God and loving people really mean in my life?  That’s what I’m going to find out.

As of late, my life has been crazy, beautiful, sorrowful, laughable, tiresome, joyful and many other things. Some of you may know a portion or all of my story. Others may know nothing of what is happening within my life. Either way, I would love to share my story with you…

December 12, 2016 was my last day at my church of three years and the affiliated Bible college. I spent these years pouring my heart and soul into every area I served in and every person I came in contact with. These people became my family and my closest confidants. Leaving was not an easy thing to do, by any means, but I believe it was the right decision.

December 13, 2016: my first day without being in Bible college and without having a “home church” and the community that comes with it. I felt like I had no ties keeping me in Medford. Not like I had the day before or even a month before. This was the first day I felt lonely. This was the first day I regretted my decision to leave. I realized I didn’t know who I was or what my life was to look like without being involved in this church. 

In the month prior to my departure, I left my job at Old Navy believing I needed to let go of that job to make room for God to put something else into my life. The combination of leaving my job, school, and church completely cleared my schedule from all normal routines for the following months. November was also a pivotal month for me, because I had brunch with my Aunt Emmalee. This was a very special event for me being that I had not seen my aunt along with every other family member on my dad’s side of the family for half my life (or longer depending on the family member). At this brunch I shared, with my Aunt Emmalee a moment God and I had together in 2015. My Aunt Elissa (Emmalee’s sister) had sent me a Christmas card full of pictures of her beautiful family. Though it made me happy to receive this card, I was also struck with a twinge of sadness knowing I would not be with my family for yet another Christmas. Holidays were always a hard time for me, but Christmas of 2015 was different. On this Christmas card I wrote “2016 = Restoration,” knowing God had made a promise to me to restore my family and 2016 was the year He would finally do so. However, I had stopped trusting God would keep His promise some time between when I wrote on the Christmas card and when I saw my Aunt Emmalee. I mentioned to my aunt at brunch how much I would love to have a family reunion in 2017. After telling Emmalee this, she extended an invitation to me to spend that Christmas with our family at her house. I told her I would take a few days to pray about it. I knew God was moving and making good on His promise, so a few days later I told my Aunt Emmalee I would love to spend Christmas with our family. After many excited calls, texts, and snapchat messages, my aunt booked a flight for December 16th.

December 16th came and it was time for me to fly to Washington. I was a bundle of emotions barely being held together by a thread, but then God made it clear He was going to be with me on the trip. I arrived at SeaTac with Aunt Emmalee in sight, but, much to my surprise, she was not alone. Some of you may have seen the pictures, which so beautifully captured my greatest ugly cry ever (yay). Along with my Aunt Emmalee was the man I hold dearest to my heart, my dad (whom I had not seen since I was 10 years old). As if that was not enough to bring me joy, my Uncle Darren was also at the airport. It was truly a beautiful moment, which I will forever cherish.

My two weeks spent in Washington can be summed up into these three words: God showed up. Auntie Emmalee took me to City Church, Kirkland (per my request and partial begging) for church my first Sunday in town. It was in that very service where God began to speak my next steps to me. I desired to hear more from God, so I spent at least one hour every day returning to City Church to pray and journal about what God was speaking to me. There was one parking spot upon a hill where I would sit in my aunt’s little, white Volvo and cry out to God. This is the spot where I felt God till the soil of my heart to make way for the deepest work He’s ever done in me. It was in these times where God collided with me. He met with me, not expecting perfection from me, but inviting me to be vulnerable before Him. God used these times to show me areas of my heart that desperately needed healing. I know very well how to be transparent. Transparency is my speciality. Vulnerability, however, is a completely different thing. As speaker and pastor, Kim Butcher, puts it “Transparency is ‘[God,] here’s my stuff.’ Vulnerability is ‘[God,] here’s my stuff and you can step in.'” Being vulnerable before God was not easy, but I knew I could either be vulnerable or let my heart harden even more and continue to build up walls like I’d been doing since my childhood.

Christmas morning came and, I won’t lie, I was super nervous! I knew I would be meeting my cousins in a matter of hours and seeing family I hadn’t seen in far too long. Fear began to creep it’s way in. I thought to myself, “What if they don’t like me? What if adult Tyler is too weird and different from little Tyler?” What if…? What if…? What if…? I let so many things fill me with worry and fear that I forgot to enjoy the initial moments of seeing my family. As the night went on and we all began to talk and reacquaint ourselves, those fears subsided and an overwhelming amount of love and joy flooded my heart.

Then came the New Year’s service at City Church. Aunt Emmalee and I went together, and I am sure glad we did. God revealed things to both of us in this service that would forever change our lives. For me it was a picture of my heart, or rather a series of pictures. The first picture was my heart of stone. Some light was piercing through and shining brightly from the cracks in my heart. The second picture was my heart of stone exploding. Shards of stone were flying everywhere as the light shone in all directions, no longer forcing its way through the cracks in my heart. The third picture, my favorite of the three, was of my heart being a purely white light shining in all directions. It shone so bright I could barely make out the shape of the heart. God used these pictures to prepare me for what He would be doing throughout the next season of my life. He explained it would be painful to tear down these walls I’ve so meticulously built, but worth the work beyond what I could even imagine. I’m sharing all of this with you, because it is really where this journey began.

Initially, I thought this journey would be to figure out what makes a healthy church and how I can apply any gained knowledge to my future ministry. I was feeling pretty good about myself. I soon realized God had other ideas about the purpose for my journey. He was wanting me to take this trip as a means of allowing me to determine the type of Christian I want to be, to figure out what makes up a healthy church and to humble me along the way, shattering my heart of stone.

While planning for this journey, I decided I would interview people in each city I visited. As I spoke with my mom (Tina Shreve), we decided that I could start interviewing people in the valley while I waited to leave for my first city. God began to make ways for me to speak to people I never would have thought I’d speak to in a million years. (I am very excited to see how these relationships will grow over time and what fruit God will bring forth from each one. If there is someone you think my mom or I should connect with in the cities we will be traveling to, please feel free to message us!) Through a cool turn of events, I was able to begin by interviewing Ben Courson, founder of and speaker for Hope Generation (Check out his website here: Ben Courson – Hope Generation). (I will share the contents of this interview in a later blog post.) My mom and I spent many days, nights, lunch breaks, and random times throughout the month of January praying about what was needed to make this journey happen. Then things in my mom’s world started to change. One day, I suggested she come with me. She loved the idea. (I mean what parent wouldn’t love their kid suggesting they go on the journey of the life time together.) We began to brainstorm and became enthralled with this idea that felt so directly from God. Since I was the one who first planned the trip, my mom wanted to make sure that I was able to set the tone for how this whole thing would go. I told her that above all else, I wanted this whole thing to be a Holy Spirit lead trip.

I realize this is a lot to read and I apologize for that, but I would love for all of you to take this journey with me and see what comes of it. My mom and I will be leaving March 8th for Sacramento and plan to stay until March 22nd. We are currently working on plans to head to Los Angeles, however, keeping in mind this trip is to be fully Holy Spirit led may mean some plan changes along the way. I’ve listed all of our social media sites below, so you can follow our journey in its full capacity. I’m going to be recording my interviews as I go, which I’ll be posting on Youtube. I’ll also be blogging up a storm, so you can follow me on here to see where I’ve been, to whom I’ve spoken, how I am doing, and what God’s been doing. If God puts us on your heart, I would ask of you to please pray for my mom, me, and this crazy, faith filled journey we are about to take because chances are we will 100% need your prayers. This journey we are about to embark on is no small thing for my mom or for me. It’s a journey to encounter God in a new way, to embrace His love in a new way, to embrace His truth in a new way. Most importantly it’s a journey my mom and I will be taking believing through faith that GOD WILL SHOW UP not just on this trip, but every day of our lives.

Social Media:

Tyler:
Facebook
Instagram
Tumblr
Twitter
Pinterest

Tina:
Facebook
Instagram

Picking Up the Broken Pieces

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Well, here goes nothing…

Hello, friends! For those of you reading who do not personally know me, I’m Tyler! I was born in Edmonds, Washington where I lived until the age of fourteen when my mom decided to pick up our roots and replant us in Medford, Oregon. It was quite the culture shock, which made my first few years difficult and, at times, somewhat miserable. However, it has now been about five years since our move and I can already see why God had us relocate to Oregon.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for my first post, so I waited until I felt the time was right to write this. After an event today, I felt God lay on my heart the topic for this post.

As I was doing the dishes today, I began to clean the beautiful little spoon rest pictured above. I scrubbed and scrubbed in attempt to wash off the nastiness that stained my beautiful little spoon rest. Unfortunately, the soap and water created a slippery mess, which caused me to drop the spoon rest. I immediately knew it was either going to have one big break or just chip, but I hoped for the best. I rinsed the spoon rest off and saw the chip. My first thoughts were, “Great! I ruined the spoon rest. It’s fixable, but it won’t look the same. People will still be able to see the crack if I did fix it, and that would just be ugly.” However, as I turned the spoon rest over in my hands, I noticed it still had its beauty and charm. You probably know where I am going with this post if you’re a super sleuth, but just bear with me.

I thought about myself as I looked at the broken, but still beautiful little spoon rest. I remembered all the times I thought I had failed God, and all the situations that cracked or even broke my heart a bit. I then realized something I think God has wanting me to realize for years: The cracks and breaks in me have not ruined me! I am still seen as beautiful in the eyes of God, and so are YOU!

There are many times in a person’s life when they go through troubles that will either break them greatly or just crack them. Despite what we may feel like at the end of those situations, God NEVER looks at us and thinks, “Great! They’re ruined. It’s fixable, but they won’t look the same.” In fact, God doesn’t want us to look the same when we come out on the other side of those situations! He wants people to see our cracks, because through each crack He can let His light shine. God already knew every ugly situation you would go through before you were born. He saw the schemes of the devil and decided to create, in those circumstances, opportunities for you to grow in your character and in your faith. However, God left it up to us to decide if we will take advantage of those opportunities or let the devil’s scheme work out as he hoped it would.

If you have done things in the past you are not proud of, or if you have been through some circumstances that broke you, know this: God wants to use you and your past!! He wants to fill you up with His love, mercy, grace, kindness, peace, and joy, so you may overflow and pour into our world; a world so desperate for hope. God wants to redeem every tear you have ever cried, every sorrowful sob you have ever let out, and, ultimately, every painful circumstance you have ever been through. What you may see as a mistake or something to regret, God sees as an opportunity for you to help Him bring joy to this world.

In writing this, I am reminded of a message my youth pastor, Pastor Natalie Schmelzer, spoke called “Jars.” The very last message of the series was titled “Before the Jar Breaks,” and said this: “Before the jar breaks, remember who you live for (Matthew 6:19-21). Before the jar breaks, remember what you are living for. Before the jar breaks, remember how you live (James 4:14).” If you have forgotten those three things, I suggest you do some digging. Pick up a Bible and see what this crazy life is all about. Remember: You are loved, my dear friend! God has a wonderful plan for you.

I hope you enjoyed my first post. God bless!